The Doggie Ranch

Late last night I was watching that show called “Sober House” where a bunch of celebrities try to kick their addiction to drugs. On this particular episode was the infamous Heidi Fleiss known for being Hollywood’s most successful madam in history. As I was watching, it hit me; my life at the kennel had developed some similarities to Heidi’s and I’m not talking about her love for drugs and parrots, “Polly want a methamphetamine?” It was the sex brokering part that seemed oddly familiar. We were right smack in the middle of the breeding season and were so immersed in breeding dogs that I realized, without consciously knowing it; I had become a Pooch Pimp or more suitably a Canine Madam. I pondered this situation that I had unknowingly fallen into and realized I knew NOTHING about being a proper madam. I’ve always been an overachiever and if I was going to represent the oldest profession in the book, I needed to know PROPER protocol. Should I acquire a “Pimp Cup” or a “Grill”? In this case that would probably be a Pimp Ladle and mouthpiec.  Since I knew no one in the biz that could guide me, I turned to the internet for my degree in Pimping. Needless to say, the internet had nothing on running a doggie bordello so instead I referred to the human sort to see how it has been done for years.

As I entered the world of Pimpin 101, my ignorance in this profession quickly became evident. I realized that I was ill equipped to compete with the likes of Heidi Fleiss even in the doggy world. As they say in the Pimp world, I was a Pimperschnapps (pimp apprentice or pimp in training). Shoot, I learned there was even another language that I knew nothing about; the task at hand was not going to be an easy one. Despite the challenges ahead, I acquiesced to learning all that I could about properly running our kennel brothel. First step was to acquire a pimp name because every successful Canine Madam must have a name to remember. So Poochtastic Monica Schizzle it would be!

I acquired my name and The Schizzle was literally immersed in a weekend of managing multiple doggy with doggy encounters. I immediately began to struggle with the situation. I wasn’t sure if I should be ashamed or if I should be arrested. The more I got to thinking about it, the worse my situation seemed. We had just picked up a female at a pre-arranged meeting place just off the highway; doesn’t that sound shady? “Ok, Mr. Smith, we’ll meet you at exit 24 at the closed gas station to do the exchange. Bring the cash.” So we exchanged money and loaded the female in the truck and headed to the “The Doggie Ranch”. The poor girl had no idea her parents had selected her suitor and she was destined to do the wild thing with him whether she liked him or not. So are you starting to get that icky my skin is crawling type feeling? Good, because it gets worse.

On the internet I found there were instructions on how to be a female pimp. For example, the appropriate attire is a necessity for giving the right image. 4 inch heels and a Chanel suit are one option and the other was 4 inch heels with a bustier and skin tight pants. This would not do and frankly the clientele might worry that I was going to breed their prized bitch to a foofypoodle (no offense to you poodle lovers). Muck boots, carpenter pants and a black long sleeve shirt would have to suffice for the corporate image. I think our clientele will appreciate the no nonsense, down and dirty, practical look. I did ponder the idea of the 4 inch heels as I was almost convinced that poo would never stick to a stiletto like it does to a muck boot. However, I realized that the lack of balance caused by the stilettos would most likely result in poo in more places than my feet when I wiped out.

Another tip, the bordello should set the mood for the encounters that are about to happen. A bar is a must and dim lighting with soft music works real well too. Man, were we off the mark on this one. Our canine bordello possessed none of this. As a matter of fact, we threw that poor girl in a pen with a horny stud and the entire kennel, including us and some one year olds sat and watched in broad daylight. While the pair romped around the kennel, all the studs on the sidelines howled with envy; I guess that could be considered music. Things got a little crazy and she flirted playing hard to get. Well, the stud wanted no part of flirting; he had a job to do. He was a regular Mack Daddy if you will. I could just hear him thinking, “Boy, I can’t wait to wash her harness.” The way he handled her from there would get any human arrested. She was a snarky little fighter though and was going to have no part of being “stud handled” so she went for the face. I was secretly cheering her on…”Girl Power”. The stud was not fazed. Now the next part I’m ashamed to admit. Things were getting rough so me and Snake Eyes MagnussonSmooth proceeded to physically hold her so that stud boy could get the business done. She gave a respectable fight. It got so violent I wondered if I should be wearing leather chaps and carrying a whip for my corporate attire. I doubt if Heidi had to wrestle with her clientele.

I know, I know….pretty bad picture isn’t it? Well, just when you thought it couldn’t get worse; it did. As if the lack of romance wasn’t bad enough, we then proceeded to time the encounter and THEN we took pictures. Lord help me, all that college education so that I could also find myself dealing in pooch porn. I relayed to the owner how long the tryst was and then I e-mailed the photos. I am confident at this point the FCC is trying to find me by now.

The internet instructions indicate that you must advertise, but it must not be blatantly obvious. Well, we managed to mess that up too as we have a portion of our website dedicated to studs complete with photos and a price for services. I guess we can’t be any more obvious than that. At least I’m not advertising on Craig’s List.

We’re in so deep that I fear we may have engaged in trafficking. I’m pretty sure transporting pooches across state lines and even across the border for the purpose of canine delight would qualify as trafficking. Shoot, we even have a satellite office so the fun can go on 24/7 and we are more accessible to our southern clientele.

Wow, after confessing all of this on paper I feel the strong need to go to church. It’s a good thing that this pimpin stuff is seasonal, I don’t know if my conscience could handle it year round.

So the Schizzle has gotS to go ………. there’s a whole lotta pimpin yet to be done and I must start preparing for my next seasonal job; Puppy Daycare Operator!!!

The Trail’s End Nursing Home

Mushing has a way of making you feel old.  As a matter of fact, right now I’m feeling pretty old as I sit here with achy fingers, a sore back and throbbing knees.  It makes me wonder, no it makes me worry, what life will be like in 30 years when every bone in my body is aching as a result of participating in this glorious but abusive sport.  It hits me that if this abuse keeps up I may find myself in need of assisted living sooner than later.  This, of course, starts churning up panicky thoughts of how life in a nursing home for a musher could be nothing short of torture.  Only a musher would understand spending their remaining days in God’s giant kennel with folks that never did, do not presently and never will understand our crazy lifestyle.  Folks that tire of our dog talk.  Folks that have spent a lifetime with the notion that shopping and cleaning are fun, and adventurous.  Folks that hate winter or worse….that hate dogs!  It just doesn’t seem like the appropriate way to end things, does it?  It’s not.  I am called to action.  I’m motivated.  I have decided that Mushers MUST have a special place of their own where they can age gracefully!

WELCOME TO TRAIL’S END NURSING HOME.  We are now taking applications!  Sign yourself or your beloved “musher” up now! 

Mission:  We know that all of you mushers are broke from years of buying dog food and that the thought of giving up scooping to sit in a sterile hospital environment would mean your immediate demise.  Therefore, our mission is to provide affordable (not free – look for sponsors), quality assisted living that will simulate a mushing lifestyle until your last breath. 

Entry Requirements:  To qualify for residency you must be able to prove participation in the sport of mushing as a driver, handler, vet or volunteer and you must also pass a mandatory physical examination. 

The Grounds:  We want all our residents to feel right at home as if they were back at the kennel.  That’s why Trails End is nestled in the seclusion of a pine forest miles and miles from population.  It is located in a northern climate that will get plenty of snow.  Residents will be housed in log cabins with wood burning stoves.  The focal point of the grounds is the huge, log community center where residents can gather every night to talk dogs around the bonfire until all hours of the evening. If you don’t feel like going back to your room, no problem, curl up in your sleeping bag in the corner.  Each resident will be allowed one sled dog that will be provided an outdoor house with tie out and personal handler.  The sled dog will enable mushers to move about the grounds freely on specially designed wheelchairs with skis.  In the summertime the skis will be replaced with all-terrain tires. 

There will be groomed trails through the hundreds of acres for year round training.  Along the trail there will be designated rest points for those of you who still struggle with pacing.

Staff:  We have hired only the best to assist you at Trails End.  After a lifetime of searching, we want you to feel like you have finally found the best kennel help ever.  Therefore, our nurses will not be called nurses; they will be appropriately referred to as “Handlers”!  “Oh, Handler Margie could you bring me a Gatorade, please?”   “Certainly, Musher Magnus!  Would you like it in a squeeze bottle or on the rocks?”

Your team of doctors or Vets, as we refer to them, will be a mix of sports medicine doctors, chiropractors and physical therapists (specializing in massage).  Vet appointments will be first come first serve.

Food service:   Our goal was to design a menu that fueled fond memories for mushers; dishes that you know and love.  We took inspiration from the traveling musher that logged thousands of cross country miles on the race circuit.  Can you smell the Slim Jims, peanuts and Twinkies?  Do you remember the pancake breakfasts served on paper plates?  No better way to end the day than with a hot dog and, of course, a bowl of hot chili.  We will have unlimited coffee and hot cocoa 24 hours a day.   As Founder of Trail’s End I’ve also requested unlimited Red Bulls with their own special chiller!  It goes without saying that there will be an endless supply of snacks to fuel our bodies night and day. Another unique feature to our menu that will make mushers feel right at home is the element of surprise that we built into feeding time.   Since Musher’s would never expect 3 meals a day we’ll provide only two and they will not come at a regular time in the day.  Instead a bell will sound twice a day at an unannounced time and mushers will rush to the cafeteria to assure they get their fill.   Everything will be able to be eaten with your hands and/or plastic utensils. 

Clean up will not be an issue as we will provide bibs for everyone.   It will not be a problem getting even the toughest mushers to wear them because we will paint a number on them; which will have them fondly viewing them as racing bibs.  This will also encourage good eating habits as they will all be racing to the cafeteria when the bell sounds.  Food is removed if plates aren’t clean in 20 minutes.

Activities:   Having spent the better part of your lives scooping, feeding and working non-stop, we know that inactivity would be torture to mushers.  So we have designed activities for all interests that are meant to engage mushers mentally and physically.  Here’s just a sampling of the hundreds of things to do at Trail’s End.

-          Our video room has every video ever created about mushing to be enjoyed on a large screen TV.   You can watch them over and over and over just as you did in your youth.  Since your memory is probably shot, everyday will be like watching a new video.

-          Sit around with your friends and reminisce during a neckline and tug line work bee.

-          Learn or hone your sewing skills in our booty making and harness repair workshop.

-          Monthly dry land events, which will involve dogs and wheelchairs and will simulate the old days of racing. 

-          Campouts on the front lawn all year long (snow would never hurt a musher)! 

-          Memory contests to keep the mind sharp.  See if you can remember pedigrees of old dogs

-          Puppy Daycare – Trails End wouldn’t be geared to mushers if we didn’t have puppies. Let em loose and watch the chaos begin.

-          In January and March, mushers will be encouraged to have all nighters and see if they can go without sleep for 36 hours.

-          Do you miss scooping?  Take one of our monthly day trips to the local dog park and scoop to your heart’s content.

-          Annual Prune Juice Derby – participate in your first mass start during this crazy event.  Mushers will each consume 16 oz of Prune juice and take off in a mass start to the outhouses.  Winners and Losers will be evident.

Mandatory Gear:   Trails End will be affordable and will not be out of reach for any musher.  We have found ways to keep costs at a minimum.  Money will be saved on the heating bills.  Mushers are quite accustomed to cold weather and will be required to have the following mandatory cold weather gear before arrival;

Arctic parka, hats, gloves, thermal underwear, lobbens, wool socks and snow pants.  The heat will kept at 45 degrees in the winter, which will feel like a heat wave to any ex-musher.  We will provide free hand warmers to all.

Another cost saving feature of the home will be the lack of lighting.  As the natural light of day disappears, we will all put on our mandatory headlamps.  After all, we’re most comfortable working in the dark.

Rules:  We all know whenever there is a large group of mushers, you must have some rules to keep order and prevent chaos and bickering.  Here are some of the house rules.  A full review of the rules will be at the mandatory musher meeting upon arrival at the center. 

-          Money is tight so showers will only be allowed once per week.  It is too cumbersome to have to get the mushers out of their winter gear daily to bathe and besides, they are quite accustomed to a little stink and a little dirt and we want them to feel right at home.

-          Non-mushing visitors will only be allowed once per month because we wouldn’t want the musher to feel overwhelmed from seeing family and friends more than they were accustomed to in the old days. Mushing visitors are allowed any time 24 hours a day – parking is first come, first serve.  September through March, visitors will only be allowed during dry land events and the mushers will not be allowed off premise to attend birthdays, anniversaries or other functions.

-          Slower wheelchairs must yield to passing wheelchairs and assist in the pass.  The hallway to the cafeteria is “No Man’s Land”

-          All wheel chairs must be equipped with at least 6 inches of fluorescent tape on all 4 sides of the wheelchair and a flashing red light for night driving.

-          When snacking on the grounds, all debris must be picked up and removed.

-          Performance enhancing drugs are strictly prohibited

At the end of a long day at Trails End you will hear the familiar sound of huskies howling over the intercom.   Sign up today.  Early applicants will receive a reduced entry fee!    Meet me at the Trail’s End!

What’s So Funny About Scratching?

“You know things are bad when the dogs start barking, wagging and lunging at the sight of the Rimadyl bottle”

                                                                                                                        -Monica Magnusson, The Handler 2010

A friend came to me this past weekend at the UP200 and told me he really appreciated my humor about this sport because you need to be able to laugh at most of it or you’ll go nuts.   That’s probably not verbatim, but it was something along those lines.   Little did I know that after the 200 I would be digging really deep to find humor in our race results or lack thereof.

So I ask, “What is funny about scratching?”  Just for clarification, I’m not talking about scratching as in scratching your ars.  Although, as mushers we may often do this as a result of minimal showering during a race and I guess that can be kind of funny or gross depending on your sense of humor.   I’m not talking about scratching your head either although mushers do tend to do that often too.  I think that’s why we all wear hats; to hide the bald spot from scratching our heads so often.  Here’s a piece of advice; always scratch your head before your ars.   No, what I’m talking about is scratching from a race as in Q.U.I.T.T.I.N.G……….oooooh that kind of scratching.  Yes, the worst kind of scratching.  So is there anything funny about that?  I am destined to find out.   I am on a mission to find some humor in the ultimate downer of mushing…..the big scratch!  We goin scratchin ….. and I’m doing this because I WILL NOT GO NUTS.  I refuse!

So, would ya care to join me on this journey?  Join me, come on……don’t be scared…..it’s fun ……REALLY!!   Are you picturing a pimp in full polyester pushing candy to the little kid?  Yep, that’s accurate.   Stay away from the Mushing Man, run, run, as fast as you can …….. DON’T go near that Mushing Man.

Our weekend started off on a good note.  I got Bruce off at the start, packed up the truck and headed out on the highway to the Grand Marais checkpoint 130 miles away.  I turned on the radio and an old ACDC tune started blaring and it was a very fitting tune at that; “Highway to Hell”!

It struck me how funny this was given that I was embarking on 36+ hours of handling by myself with no sleep; definitely my private little hell.  Regardless, I joined in at the top of my lungs…..”Hey momma, look at me.  I’m on my way to the promised land.  I’m on the highway to hell.  Highway to hell.   Don’t stop meeeeeeeeeeeee”.   I had the head thing going, the steering wheel was my drum and I was pumped!   “Highway to hell” badadabum  “Highway to hell”…….  

Should this have been a sign of bad things to come?  Well, I didn’t think so; it was just a cool tune that ironically spoke to my situation.

Then Whitesnake came on…YES….LOVE THIS SONG!   I continued banging my head and singing out loud……….

An’ here I go again on my own   
Goin’ down the only road I’ve ever known,
Like a hobo* I was born to walk alone
An’ I’ve made up my mind
I ain’t wasting no more time

But, here I go again,
Here I go again,
Here I go again,
Here I go…

Nope, still no clue, but still kind of funny the irony of the words  …………..

When the next song, “Cat Scratch Fever ” by Ted Nugent blasted through the airwaves….. I should have turned the truck around and caught Bruce at the next road crossing.

It’s nothing dangerous
I feel no pain
I got the chug chug train       ———- (I especially love this line – what a vision into the future)
You know you got it when
You going insane   ——————- (oh, this one too)
It’ll make a grown man cry   ————–(certainly came close)
Won’t you make my bad

Cat scratch fever

Cat scratch fever

They got a cat scratch fever

Cat scratch fever

HELLO….KNOCK..KNOCK.. KNOCK…it was as if someone was knocking on my door, but I was too oblivious to hear the knocking.   So I ignored it and continued to drive.   For about 2 hours, I was back in the 80’s and I was a teenager……well at least I was mentally!  The mental part was strong too because nothing else added up.  I was a teenager driving alone (who ever heard of that).  I was also driving in the middle of the woods in the darkness of night in the dead of winter going to a dog race.  Yeah, that almost sounds like my teenage days; NOT.  Now that I think about it, those 80’s hair bands are pretty powerful if they can make me feel 18 under those circumstances.   So for all of you suffering from old fart-itis, I highly recommend a dose of some 80’s hair bands!!

When I arrived at the checkpoint, I was rocking out with my bad self and had that teenage inspiration to just fly out the door and play some air guitar with the radio blaring.   At a checkpoint, this could get you killed.   Sort of like we wanted to do to the guy who left his headlights on all flaming night long.    This checkpoint stuff is serious business.  There are rules, unwritten rules, but you need to abide by them or else be shunned.   The checkpoint can be a very territorial place and somewhat frightening at times.  It can bring out the worst in handlers.  Frankly, they should have activities for handlers at checkpoints so we can work off aggression.   A punching bag would be nice.   One major rule you should never break is DO NOT TREAD on someone else’s space.   They have squatted there and claimed it so you best find your own.  There is always someone though that pushes the unspoken rule and treads on another.   They get on a list and we will all watch for this person at the next checkpoint.  It’s called “The Handler’s List”…..don’t get on it.  

I had done well staking out my spot and was fortunate to avoid being treaded on.  Whew, I avoided having to pull out my karate moves.  Then I retired for the night in my comfy back seat rigged with cushy dog beds and my laptop.   Ahhh, the lap of luxury or so I convinced myself.   Since I had been jamming to 80’s hair bands all night it got me thinking about the fact that I was sleeping in the backseat of my truck on a couple of dog beds in 16 degrees in the middle of the U.P. on a Friday night; boy had my life changed since the 80’s.   Back in the day, if I was in a back seat I was probably with my gang of friends and we’d be all gussied up in our Madonna rip offs, bangles and all, with our big hair singing out loud to the likes of Deep Purple, ACDC, Poison, BonJovi etc. heading to a party.  Boy, if my alumni could see me now!

The next morning I got up and proceeded to build Fort Magnusson.  You see the dogs need to sleep when they come in.  It will be broad daylight with people walking all over, talking and taking photos and yet they need to rest.  There will be snowmobiles and a whole host of other distractions to prevent sleep.  Our job is to create the most private sleeping quarters we can.   We need 33 Monica steps of space for the team and it all must be made as private and quiet as possible.   I took advantage of a huge snow bank for one side.  Then I had to build walls with bins and tarps on the other side and in the front and back.   This meant I had to literally haul every piece of crap out of the truck to build the fort and then put all the crap back in.  When I ran out of crap from the truck we had to build snow walls.  It’s called crap because after you’ve handled it so many times you lose any form of fondness for your expensive dog gear.

Do you remember learning about symbolism in your high school literature class?  Well, if the songs weren’t enough here’s another bit of symbolism for you.  Within minutes of my team coming into the checkpoint one of the many people crammed into our space looking at the team managed to completely knock down the snow wall to our fort.  How’s that for a sign that things were about to start crumbling all around us, huh!

Our problems seemed to have started when I was notified I had a dropped dog coming in from the first checkpoint.  However, there were two truckloads of dropped dogs that came in from that checkpoint, so I sought comfort in knowing it wasn’t just our team and, therefore, wasn’t worried.  I still had hope. 

The team came in and their speed was in the top 6 into Grand Marais.  That didn’t seem too shabby.   However, I could tell immediately when they came in that they were missing the “spark”.  They just looked flat, tired and worn.  The year before I had a different team come into Grand Marais and my gut told me there may be issues ahead.   This was when I first started to worry.   I got everyone bedded down in Fort Magnusson and they conked out immediately.  There is always one in our group though that doesn’t sleep.  This can be stressful.   See the dog doesn’t know that they have 120 miles yet to go, but you do.  There is no sleep command and since we don’t train to camp out, our dogs are generally clueless.   They look at me with those eyes pleading to go to their box.  It tortures me.  Needless to say, where ever the dog is that can’t sleep there will be a group of people socializing, a bunch of kids playing or some other distraction and the need to pull out karate moves starts to take over.  It’s that territorial handler thing.  “SHHHHHHHH, MY DOGS ARE TRYING TO SLEEP DAMMIT EYYYEEE YAH!”……karate moves!

When we got the dogs up, there were a couple injuries that showed their ugly head.   We worked on them and made the decision to drop dog #2.   Bruce headed out of Grand Marais with 10 dogs.   They seemed stoked in the chute and so I thought maybe there was hope that they would shake off their funk.

By the time they came into the next checkpoint, the team was shutting down and looked like crap.   They ate, drank and fell asleep immediately.  When we had to get them back up the Old MacDonald tune started blaring in my head, “…with a swelled foot here and a swelled wrist there; here a swell, there a swell, everywhere a swell, swell.  Old man Magnusson had a kennel eee eye eee eye ohhhh”   It became blatantly evident that the short time off between Stage Stop was not enough and the dogs were not ready for this race.  We talked and we agreed that we would make the best decision for the team after we went through each dog.   The team had all ate and drank well in the checkpoint.   None of the dogs appeared as if they could not continue, but they were still missing the spark.  They gave us a good show in the chute and off they went again.  Well, once out of sight they progressively continued to shut down.   Bruce had to check out of the game mentally on his way to Deerton for fear that when he arrived he would be drooling and talking nonsense.   When you train a stage team and you’re accustomed to running 14+ mph, 5 mph is just short of Chinese water torture. 

 Then as if the speed wasn’t enough to earn him a white coat, his best dog was done and needed a ride in the sled.  This dog had no clue he needed a ride and would have run on two legs if given the choice, which I suppose is why he’s one of the best dogs.  He’s was barely moving, but as soon as the team stopped he’d scream like an idiot to go.  Putting him in the bag was like watching a WWF wrestling match.  Bruce won and the dog was in the bag howling for all he was worth.   This, of course, kept taunting Bruce mentally as he thought,   “Man, he doesn’t seem like he should be in the bag.  He wants to run.  Should I put him back in?  No, don’t put him in.  He’s telling me he wants to go.  I’m putting him back in.”   So the dog went back in for one last futile attempt and that dog tried as hard as he could, but just wasn’t going to be able to do it.  So back in the bag he went and the howling continued.  It was then Bruce realized maybe the dog wasn’t yelling to get out, but was coaching his team mates to set a pace like in a rowing team; stroke, stroke, stroke.  Unfortunately, he didn’t know what the hell he was doing and the Woof, whoooooooooooo, whoooooooooo, WOOF, WOOF, WOOF sent a very confusing pace message, which could explain the “S” shaped track he left behind him as the team weaved and wobbled down the road.

The other dogs all looked with envy as their MVP was loaded in the bag and Bruce could almost hear their collective thoughts, “Can I have a ride too?”  This is, of course, was torture and he kept thinking, “Nooooooo, I can’t take you all.  Please run.”   Then he thought he could read their minds, “Great, we’re screwed now; an extra 62 lbs just joined Bruce on the sled, hope Bruce plans on running!”, “Who’s great idea was it to do this race?”  “Is this hell ever going to end?” “Next year I’m faking a tricep injury, the hell with the team.”

They wobbled along.  Meanwhile, Bruce was taking inventory of everyone and trying to be optimistic, but the painful reality kept torturing him.  His mind raced, “That dog has a minor hitch in the front right.  That dog doesn’t appear to be using the left rear normal.   That one is barely keeping up.”  Then he’d look again and they’d start to look good and he’d start to think they might be able to make it.   This, of course, was a mushing mirage; which is similar to seeing a pop stand when you’ve been walking in the desert for days.   You become so fatigued mentally with your situation suddenly the team starts looking like they could win the race.   It lasts only briefly as you’re thrust back into reality when you see that you may have to put two dogs in the bag. 

Finally, Bruce had to make the decision.  15 miles from the finish, 240 miles into the race when he’s still in the top 10 he has to pull the plug for the benefit of the team.  We are huge advocates of putting the dogs first and so it makes it easy to make a decision for the benefit of the dogs; however, a decision like this still sucks!   Finding it hard to find humor about now……….

For those of you who have been fortunate enough to never have to do it; scratching from a race is no easy task.   The decision is usually very tormented and it’s about as funny as watching someone rocking in a corner holding their knees; not very funny.   As a matter of fact, it can be one of the more difficult things to do in a race and has been known to bring even the toughest mushers to tears.   There is a whole host of emotions that come along with this decision and you get to play them out in front of the entire mushing world.   Now, does that sound like fun or what?  In other sports if you are booted out of the game it is usually followed by some dramatic incident, which is self-explanatory.   Jeff Gordon crashes into a wall and the car implodes; that’s pretty obvious and, therefore, acceptable.   Body Miller crashes on the ski hill at 70 mph and cart wheels to an injury; self explanatory followed with sympathy.   In mushing, the dramatic reason is often not obvious or self-explanatory and the musher almost always has to make the decision to pull the plug.  This leads folks to draw their own conclusions until the truth comes out, if it ever comes out, or until they are smart enough to ask.  Meanwhile, you inadvertently become the victim of rumors.   “Did you hear #12 scratched 15 miles from the finish; musher wasn’t happy with his run and quit.   #12 scratched; dogs just aren’t tough enough to do this mileage.   #12  scratched the dogs weren’t well taken care of; bad handler.   Hey, did you see #12 scratched; I knew that would happen did you see how thin his dogs were.” ………blah diddy blah…….  Kind of makes you feel like a victim of the paparazzi and you’ve found yourself on the cover of Star Magazine….”SCRATCH -Pouty Musher Not Happy With Top Ten

Once you do it and sign on the dotted line, it is final.  It is followed by the feeling of shame.  You have this mad burning desire to exit stage left and disappear.  You can almost hear the whispers ripple through the crowds…..”He scratched,   scratched Deerton, just 15 miles from finish scratched, scratched, scratched, scratched…………………..”  You feel like putting a big sign on your head, “YES, WE SCRATCHED AND PROUD OF IT!” or how about “Mr & Mrs. Scratcher” or “Scratcher Kennels”.    You feel like you let your dogs down, your family and friends, the president etc.  In reality, our dogs were like, “Hell YES, put us in the truck!”  I hadn’t seen them that happy in weeks.  As for the family, well this family member immediately saw beer and a bed dancing in her head and said, “Hell YES, this thing is over!”   Soooo Bruce did not have any reason to feel guilty, me and the team found the upside of the situation very quickly.   When you scratch we believe you must be a good sport and support your fellow mushers.  So went to the banquet despite the fact that we felt like lepers with a contagious disease.  “Pssst here comes the scratchers.   Hope it’s not contagious.  They must not have very good dog care.  Maybe, we should tell them these seats are saved.”    They all look at you with pity.  Next time I’m just going to put a big “L” on my forehead and smile.  Did I mention that scratching also makes you a tad paranoid and you really think you hear these voices in your head?

Your fellow mushers are usually very kind.  They either avoid you for fear of saying the wrong thing or they look at you with the “Pity Look” and some are ready to give the big bear hug.  It is somewhat funny when you realize that they are all watching to see if you crumble to the floor in a heap of sobs.   I’m picturing Bruce walking into the banquet and breaking into LOUD, heaving sobs.  He falls to the floor and begins rocking back and forth as his fellow mushers come to the podium for their checks.  As they get near 10^th place he yells, “That could have…SOB…snort, snort….been been..SOB… MEEEEEEE!!!”    They haul him away in a dog truck with a special whirling red light and sirens. 

It’s an entire blog to tell you what scratching will do to the mushing marriage so I won’t go into details.  Let’s just say it involves some blaming, a few swear words, some tears and at least one will give up the sport for a brief moment.  After each of you has said every crazy thing that has come to your mind, you cool off for an hour and here’s the really sick part……….you start planning for next year!

I’m not sure of what the cure is for the scratching blues, but here’s what Dr. Scratcher prescribed for me…………3 Bud Light Limes with a honking slice of coconut cream pie.  You will barely get through the pie before you pass out from the sleep deprivation and alcohol combined.  You will wake up with coconut on your upper lip feeling pretty dang good about life.

Lesson learned;   the next time we embark on a race like this we will have Queen’s, “We are the Champions” playing the entire time.   WE WILL MAKE OUR OWN SYMBOLISM!

A Mushing Marriage

“Do you Crazy Jack Bernard take Lana LaPalle as your handler, wife, competitor and kennel partner for as long as you both shall have dogs?” “I Poo, oops I mean I do, “ grunted Crazy Jack. “Do you Lana Lapalle take Crazy Jack Bernard as your handler, husband, competitor and kennel partner for as long as you both shall have dogs?” “I doooooo Whoooo Hoooo Hooooo!”, howled Lana.

Sounds romantic doesn’t it? Well, it always starts that way. “Let’s own a bunch of dogs honey, live in the woods and run dogs under the moonlight.” “Oooooh my love, you are such a romantic. I cannot wait to begin this journey with you.”

Flash forward 5 years into this romantic journey and the romance is gone. It left as fast as an unlimited sprint team on a hard fast trail. Where did it all go wrong you ask? Well, at the first dog, of course! The first dog is the true measure of how well partners will agree on the raising, training and rearing of future dogs. No different than the first kid, except there are probably 20 or more in your future; which means you definitely better be on the same page. It begins with naming the first dog. Hours of deliberation only to discover you married the most stubborn, pain in the ars on planet earth. Sadly, if the first one is difficult, the couple should just end it there because there are hundreds of future names to be decided. Personally, I think the first dog(s) should always have names like “Bliss”, “Love”, “Hope” and “Forever” because you will need those reminders later in the mushing marriage. As a matter of fact, maybe it would be a good idea to name a whole litter; I, LOVE, MY, HUSBAND or I, LOVE, MY, WIFE. That way you can call the pups daily and practice positive affirmations at the same time. “I LOVE MY HUSBAND!” “LOVE HUSBAND” “MY HUSBAND LOVE!” I am confident this would have positive results. Mushing couples should definitely avoid names such as Pre-nup, Single, Divorce etc. it only spells disaster.

If the mushing couple can get through the naming process, they must then tackle the rearing of the dog. This is when we identify fundamental differences between partners that can lead to major problems later. Lana wants Fido to sleep in the bed, but Jack says, “Hell No, he’s not sleeping in our bed.” Crazy Jack winds up getting called names far worse than crazy and finds himself giving in. As each new dog is acquired, the marital bed suddenly exceeds capacity and Crazy Jack now finds he is the one calling someone names. Meanwhile, that thing called romance is being quickly chipped away. When Lana finally has to give in and all the dogs are assigned a home in the kennel she blames Crazy Jack. Poor Jack must live with this burden now for the rest of their lives. He is the reason for her unhappiness. The marital bed is now a cold, lonely place for both Jack and Lana.

“I , Crazy Jack Bernard, promise to love, honor and protect you, Lana LaPalle, through the wins, losses, financial poverty and predictable decline in appearance and aroma for as long as be both shall have dogs.”

I often wonder how June Cleaver would have handled being married to a musher. How on earth would she have maintained her perfectly coiffed image with 50 dogs? I imagine it would have required a custom made pink Carhartt dress with matching pink muck boots. She would have kept the pearls, but they would have had to be re-strung with heavy duty fishing line so the dogs didn’t rip them off at every chance. Lord help her if the pearls broke and a dog swallowed one causing a blockage; Ward would have a cow. “June, I’ve told you time and time again dear, the pearls are NOT for the dog yard. If you must string something around your damn neck try a string of beef jerky.” It makes June wonder about Ward’s intentions as she envisions the dogs attacking her pale, lily neck in pursuit of the beef jerky. Chip, chip, CHINK…..more romance falling to the floor.

When mushers first get married the partners are generally on their best behavior and that includes grooming. However, it’s truly not realistic to keep up this crazy charade. So the romance is put to another big test when one or the other quits the charade. Your wife’s hair goes from shiny, fragrant and flowing to dull, odorous and matted to the head. This is provided you ever see it because she is constantly donning some form of head gear. You’ve forgotten she has a figure because from behind she looks like the construction guy next door in her Carhartts and mud and poo covered jacket with her big man gloves. The change also happens to the men and ladies start wondering what happened to their well groomed man that used to dress well and smelled great too. The beard is usually the first sign that things are about to change. It comes with a whole host of excuses, “It keeps me warm.” “I was too tired.” In reality this just means that he has become comfortable in the marriage and believes that you will stick around despite the fact you are now faced with smooching a brillo pad. It could also mean that after seeing you in your full mushing regalia he doesn’t believe anyone in their right mind would steal you away from him. So we endure the stinky, prickly beard that catches food, snot, hay and other dog diddies and we embrace it! CACHINK!!!!!!!!!

Then there comes a point when the line between what we wear in the kennel and what we wear in public becomes blurred. You find yourself going out to dinner and your husband has dressed up for the occasion by selecting some article of clothing that only belongs in the kennel. I recall going out to dinner one night and the hubby appeared ready to go in a pair of torn sweat pants, muck shoes with dirty tube socks, an oversized t-shirt covered in stains and holes and a pathetically dirty kennel jacket. Why would anyone do that? Well, kennel clothes are comfortable, of course! We smile and endure the fact that our spouse looks like he’s been living on the street. We remind ourselves, “……for as long as we both shall have dogs”.

I have heard that money is the number one thing that married couples fight about. I have also heard that the US divorce rate is somewhere in the 40% range. Based on these statistics, I can confidently predict that mushing marriages must have a failure rate in the 80% range. The big difference is that we don’t fight over money because there is none and what little there might be is unquestionably going to the dogs. However, there are so many more things that we manage to fight about.

Let’s take racing for example. To be married to a musher you must have thick skin, especially if you race. You learn to smile and not react because it’s not the person you married talking, it’s the “Racing Musher” talking and that guy/gal is WACKED. Something about racing brings out strange personality quirks. The quiet, mild mannered musher can turn into a raging idiot or the talkative, social musher suddenly clams up and utters only single word responses. Fortunately, the person you married will return immediately after the race; provided you stay married through the race. I believe races that last for 9 days or more, like the Iditarod, keep handlers, who are often spouses, out of there solely for the sake of saving marriages. Imagine the racing musher completely sleep deprived, cold and hungry chatting with their significant other at a checkpoint after 9 days of racing. “You forgot to hook up almost half the dogs dammit. Now, I have to try and compete with only 12.” “Honey, you dropped 4 dogs at the last 2 checkpoints.” Can you picture the chaos? Chink, chink, chink, chink chink!!!

Racing also causes memory failure and there isn’t a couple that hasn’t fought about some item that cannot be found or wasn’t brought because someone can’t or didn’t’ remember! We have our annual fight about packing the truck. How many non-mushing couples regularly fight about packing the car? Mushers have 3 or 4 months in their lives when they are living out of that truck and it is inevitable there will be an argument. “Where is the poop scooper?” “I don’t know; you packed it.” “Noooooo, you packed it. I had nothing to do with it.” “Yeah, you never have anything to do with it.” Silence……………you walk around the truck……..there’s the poop scooper right next to your beloved. You say nothing because this is just the first of many conversations like this.

In non-mushing families you don’t hear about couples fighting over who gets to take the kids somewhere. More often you hear about them fighting about who HAS to take the kids somewhere. In a mushing marriage there is the battle over who gets the main team. It would seem insane in a non-mushing marriage. Can you hear June Cleaver, “Ward, I get to take the smart kids to the science center. You had them on the last outing. I always get stuck with the non-performers. It’s your turn to take Beaver.” Then she would prance off in her muck boots and pink Carhartt slamming doors; they would be slammed gently so she didn’t ruin the paint, but it would be slamming nonetheless.

How about the booty dilemma. Do we booty or not booty? How many married couples do you know that fight over whether their kids should wear socks to school or not.

Are the dogs too fat or too skinny? “June, Beaver is getting fat and will never win his relay coming up if you keep over feeding him.” “Ward, that poor boy looks anorexic. I feel bad. He’s not fat!” “Gee dad, I’m not fat. Mom’s been feeding me exactly what you said. I’ve just been eating Wally’s leftovers when she’s not looking. ”

Then there is the grueling training season when many of us are ready to give it all up including the marriage if racing doesn’t start soon. We all start with a training plan and we all hate the spouse who must stick to it. We know in our heart that it must be carried out in rain, sleet, hail, snow or bitter cold, but we always secretly hope the significant other may want a reprieve and when they don’t it’s their fault that you are now miserably sitting on your ATV in pouring rain and 28 degrees freezing your bajeevies off. If only she’d have said, “Wow, it’s really crappy today. One day off won’t hurt.” However, she didn’t and as you suffer along you envision running her over with your ATV.

It seems in most mushing marriages there is the practical one and the one that must be constantly reigned in. “No, I don’t think having 6 litters is a good idea. I realize we have a ton of great breeding opportunities, but potentially having 30 puppies is CRAZY.” “Yeah, you’re probably right. Let’s just do 5 litters.” Oh my God, no wonder they call him Crazy Jack.

So if all these little fights aren’t enough to test a marriage, there is still one more that we must address; gift giving. We cannot talk about mushing marriages without discussing this subject. Throughout the year, I witness friends, co-workers and family getting gifts from their beloved that just ooze romance. A trip to the spa, diamond earrings, a romantic vacation for two in Hawaii and lingerie etc. This is generally not the case in a mushing marriage. I have learned to find humor in the shocked faces when I confess the gifts I received; a dog shopping trip, a new jack knife, a headlamp and, of course, long underwear. I try to explain that the long under wear is the really good stuff and the jack knife could save my life; AND that is romantic! They just look at me with mouths open and shake their heads.

So why do we do it? Why do we add this additional stress to our marriage? I guess because there is no greater reward than the unconditional love from the dogs and the bonds that you develop with them. When you can share that with a partner, life seems full.

“Lana, we did it. We raised this team of pups and managed to win a race. You are the best kennel partner in the world.” Ok, so that’s not what he said. It was more like this, “High 5 Babe, these dogs rock!” then he smacked her on her ass. If she could have felt it through the thick padding of the insulated Carhartts she might have confused it with romance.

Stage 8 – The End of the Road

Stage 8 came and went with minimal drama.  The sun was out and it was a hot day!  There were no real races within the race and everyone just wanted to go out and finish without any major problems.    Some of us still had problems; however, but managed to maintain our standings.  Bruce had to bag another cramped dog one mile into the 9 mile course, which slowed him considerably.  Jerry Bath’s team went the wrong way into a parking lot and then he took out two photographers on a corner.   The trail had some serious sharp turns and Bruce ate a bit of snow as he struggled around them with a dog in the bag.  They had a great turn out at the race and the spectators were very eager to learn about our sport.   At the end of the day, the dogs, musher and handler are tired and glad to be done.

So the race is over and we are heading home with a respectable 6^th place finish.  Although 6^th was not our goal, we have come to realize that in this race often times your goal can become unrealistic once you get on the trail facing some of the best competition in the world.   You never know what kind of team someone will show up with, but you can guarantee the competition will be tough.

This year the competition was not only tough, but fierce!  The quality and caliber of dog teams was bewildering at times.  Despite all of the bad luck we were dealt prior to the race, losing more than 1/3 of our main team, our team performed brilliantly.  If not for the unfortunate luck in the last stage, which left us with no opportunity to recover, we felt confident we have a team that can compete for top 5.   The one guarantee about Stage Stop is that you will walk away with a new appreciation for your dogs, your competition and Wyoming conditions.  You can guarantee your perspective on something will change and you will have gained new knowledge in some other aspect of this sport.  Stage Stop is an endless learning curve and we ALWAYS learn something about ourselves, our training and our dogs and this year was no exception.

The question marks we had going into the race are no longer question marks and we couldn’t be more proud of our young dogs.  They really stepped up to the plate and became the back bone of this team.  We had one yearling on the team, Perry, and that little dude turned out to have the heart and drive of his mother giving us 6 stages like it was nothing.   Then there was Umea, a 2 year old we had on the For Sale list, who proved to us that we don’t have a clue about cutting dogs because she gave us 7 stages with a smile and a tail wag every single day.  She was truly a little phenom and we’re ashamed we almost placed her.   Then there was Cheyenne who has earned herself a Main Leader title this year by leading 4 really tough stages without a moment’s hesitation and was still ready for more.  Her brother and sister were unstoppable and her sister, Sedona, earned the MVP by powering through 6 stages literally out performing everyone and still barking and yapping the entire time.  Those 3 litter mates (Sedona, Cheyenne & Utah) out of Ricky/Witch almost bring tears to our eyes when we think about their performances.  They are nearly unstoppable and handle everything you throw at them no matter how tough.

The dogs did what they were trained to do.  We definitely corrected some of our errors from training last year and saw those improvements out on the trail.  The team was much stronger than last year and it showed in some of the tough conditions.  We don’t believe our team last year would have performed as well in this year’s conditions.  For the first time, the team was very consistent and we were ecstatic that we didn’t have to ride the daily stage stop roller coaster except, of course, until stage 7 & 8. 

As we drive home we will review every stage and discuss the mistakes we made and where we need to improve.  For us, this race is always a classroom and we learn something new every year.  Often, we learn things that are humbling leaving us with that “DUH” feeling and this year was no exception.   We made some critical errors in our training, which we know cost us several minutes every day; however, at the time they made sense….”DUH moment #1”.  The good news is we had less “DUH” moments than in years past.  Getting the opportunity to run with top caliber teams every day really points out your training weaknesses as they are rubbed in your face every single day.  This is a good thing for us because we can be slow learners.  After this race, we now have a clearer image of what we need to work on, where we want to go with our program and the plan is already in the works for next year.

We congratulate the Streeper Kennel for their 1^st & 2^nd place finishes!  We were very excited to come and race the Streepers and they did not disappoint.  We all knew that it would be tough to beat them in a foot race and we all knew they are professionals that would come prepared, but I think many of us were shocked at the seemingly bomb proof performances on the tough trail conditions, their ability to climb and the dogs ability to recover.  It was a sight to witness and it certainly raised the bar at Stage Stop. 

Another congrats to Joe Gans for handling the pressure and bringing the Gilbertson team to 3^rd place.  Aaron Peck, although not a surprise, had some very surprising and impressive runs and as the race went on his team seemed unstoppable as they locked in 4^th place.   Our hat goes off to Sam Perrino for kicking our butt, once again, when it came down to the wire.  The man is a master at managing his dogs and was able to secure 5^th place by running less dogs than everyone else on nearly every stage.  Probably, one of the more impressive things we witnessed this year.   

On another note, this is the most professionally run race we have ever had the privilege to compete in and the purse is the 2^nd highest in the United States.   Despite this, several questions remain unanswered, “Why isn’t this roster full on race day?”   “Why don’t more teams from the mid-west come out here to compete?”   We certainly don’t have the answer to these questions because we choose to attend this spectacular event.  I wonder though, how many of you have asked yourself, “Why aren’t we attending one of the most professional and highest purse races in the country?”  What is stopping you from running some of the most beautiful trails, meeting some really great people, measuring yourself against some of the world’s best and potentially making a great deal of money?   Everyone talks about the lack of races in this sport and here is a race that has a huge National sponsor, Pedigree, that is putting so much money towards our sport and yet so many are reluctant to come.  We encourage you to come and help keep this race vibrant and appealing to sponsors!

Stage 7 – Evanston We Blew It

The trail today had a good base with about 3 inches of loose snow on it.  80% of the trail you could hook down.  The weather was overcast and in the twenties.     We went with 12 dogs led by Billy and Cheyenne again.  Everyone looked great and were eager to go in the chute.  However, about 2 miles out Bruce had a dog start hanging her head.   He left her in team due to the severe climbs up ahead.  After he reached the summit he bagged her and then they started moving decent.   Then a 2nd dog started going down and he had another huge climb ahead.  He got to the top and put the 2nd dog in the bag and by this point the team started to shut down.  He labored his way in from that point and watched nearly everyone go by.  There were a few teams coming in with dogs hitching  rides; most likely a result of yesterdays abusive trail. 

Meanwhile, I waited at the finish line watching teams come in.  John Stewart’s team had a great run and looked fantastic coming in, but not good enough to change his 9th place position.  Sam came through when the pressure was on and secured 4th place.   Joe Gans and Aaron Peck are 8 minutes apart going into tomorrow.  The pressure is on Joe not to have anything crazy happen.

Dogs started/finished; Buddy (10/9), Lina (10/10), John (12/12), Sam (11/11), Aaron (10/10), Jerry (11/11), JR (12/12), Joe (10/9), Mike (11/11), Bruce (12/10), Kate (11/10), Stacey (10/10), Debbie (11/10), Dennis (12/12), Barrie (8/8), Chris (12/12)

The two dogs Bruce had to bag were both hounds and both were cramped up.  One was coming off a day off and the other was on his 5th day.   They looked great in the chute, were well hydrated and had no injuries.  So we just have to get through tomorrow without a major disaster and we’ll go home with a respectable 6th place.

Stage 6 – Kemmerer Predictably Tough

The driver’s were told this could be the fastest trail yet, but those that have ran this course knew better and they were right.   The trail was very soft and punchy and took a toll on several teams as it always does.  The weather was good and stayed in the twenties so it did not get too hot.  Despite the trail conditions, Lina Gladh and Aaron Peck had smoking fast runs and both beat Buddy.  Both of their teams looked phenomenal coming in.  Aaron ran a ton and many witnessed his athletic ability, which was as impressive as his dogs.  Both Aaron and dogs came screaming through the finish line.   Joe Gans had some troubles and came in with a dog in the bag.  Sam Perrino only went out with 8 and had to bag two dogs, which opened the door for Bruce to jump into 4th place overall.  This is the same position we were in last year with Sam.  There is only 8 minutes between them and it looks like Evanston will be a duel.   Sam knows how to pull one out in a duel so we have to come tomorrow with our “A” game. 

We went with 11 dogs led by Billy and Cheyenne.  The team came in looking good except one dog was physically exhausted and earned himself a day off.  Poor guy; this is not his trail as we had to bag him on this stage last year.  Our young dogs are really stepping up to the plate and taking more stages than we planned, but they are happy, eager and learning a ton.

We were told at the driver’s meeting that Evanston has minimal snow and there will be plenty of sections up top where teams will not be able to hook down.  This should be interesting.  Evanston can be a make or break stage and we’ve never had good luck on this one.

Never Assume – Stage 5 Alpine

Well, yesterday we expected today’s trail to be faster and we learned, once again, never assume in Stage Stop becuase you NEVER now what you’ll get.  This year’s run certainly was not a duplicate of last year in Alpine.   Last year the trail was much firmer and the temps were warmer.  We had 10 degrees this morning, overcast and the trail was soft and similar to running in sand.   Sections of the trail were littered with moose and elk holes.   The conditions did not even give relief on the down hills as many drivers found themselves having to pump downhill.

We went with 11 dogs.  Anker and Pepper lead with the hopes they would remember their run last year and lay one down.  The rest of the crew consisted of Mikka, Slim, Shiner, Perry, Bergen, Utah, Sedona, Cracker and Ivan.   The team ran fine to the turn around.  They passed everyone in front of them head on and then they started passing teams on the way back.  After passing about 7-8 teams, near the 35 mile mark, they went flat and decided they wanted to coast.   Bruce couldn’t get the fire back into them until he was 1 ½ miles from the finish.   He had another potential leader that was still driving, but chose not to put her up there because he had one dog that he had to protect on the way back.

At the turn around Sam Perrino had gained 1½ minutes on Bruce and Aaron about 1 minute.    Joe Gans passed Bruce at the 17 mile mark and was just smoking.  He had made up 9 minutes in just 17 miles.   When Joe crossed the finish line the team looked great and he earned himself the honor of the yellow bib!   Lina caught Bruce just before the half way point and Buddy passed him at about 35 miles.   Their teams were also stroking and looked great.  They climbed nice and never stopped loping. 

Jerry Bath had a very unfortunate incident with a young moose.  It came across the trail and jumped his point dogs hitting both of them with its hoofs.  Then it turned and ran down the team and came to his sled.  Jerry stepped to the side of his sled as the moose kicked his sled twice and then ran off.  He immediately looked  the team over , saw no blood but to be cautious he bagged both point dogs and carried them in.  Thankfully, neither Jerry or the dogs were seriously injured.  The dogs sustained only minor bruising, but one dog will be scratched. 

It looked like it was a rough day on several teams as there were several dogs being carried in.   Our team faired very well except for their feet.  It’s the kind of snow that makes bootying a waste because they fall off, get caked with huge snowballs or they can’t run because it’s slippery and you risk injuring them.   Running the dogs to the line is almost comical as you slip and slide and trip through this slippery mess of snow.  It could be compared to running in salt; you’re running as hard as you can and not going anywhere.  You’re damned if you booty and damned if you don’t;  unless you have dogs with concrete feet, which we don’t. 

Dogs started/finished:    Buddy (10/10), Lina (10/9), Joe (12/12), Aaron (10/9), Sam (10/9),  Bruce (11/11), Jerry (11/9),  JR (10/10), Stacy (12/11),  John (10/9), Kate (10/10),       Mike ( 10/10), Debbie (9/9), Dennis(12/12), Barrie (10/10), Chris (12/12) . 

The dogs are tired and this is the point in this race where they really have to dig deep and you find your hard ass every day dogs.  The dogs that won’t or can’t run every day or are injured put extra pressure on the rest of the dogs to take another one for the team.  Strategically, it is a nice situation if you have 12 dogs for the next two stages.  We won’t know if we do until late tonight when they come back out and we have a chance to see how they are doing and what their moods are like.

We have already received conflicting information on tomorrow’s trail.  First report a day or so ago was that it will be like Big Piney.  Today’s report is that it may wind up being our fastest trail yet.  It is supposed to be warm tomorrow and this could break up the trail.  We’ll just have to wait and see.  We know that every year we’ve run it, it has been tough.

Stage 4 – Deep Snow

It was a beautiful day in Big Piney.  The morning was very cold in single digits, but the sun came out and stayed just perfect.  The Big Piney trail was just like it always is with NO base!  It was a snowmobile track and a half wide and punchy.  If you got  off the trail, you went up to your waist.   Trying to pump was futile at times because you would sink 8-10″ in the snow.  They cut out a large climb in the end and the turn around was incredibly deep.  Many teams had issues on the turn around due to the deep snow.  Bruce’s team cut to the inside and he fell off the trail and then got drug.  He couldn’t stand up because the snow was so deep and had to command his leaders to keep going so he could get drug back onto the trail and get his footing.  John Stewart had a big tangle and was swimming through the snow trying to get things straightened out.  There were plenty of teams that had issues on that turn.   The deep snow also caused the first scratch of the race.  Krista Halnes’ team got off the trail and followed a snowmobile track.  She could not hook down her 12 dog string nor slow them.  She got lost for quite some time and when she finally got back to the main trail she made the decision to scratch.  She was devastated and felt she let her team down.  I think she is a very brave gal and did the best she could in scary conditions.

Bruce had a clean run and moved up to 5th.  He led with Billy and Cheyenne and they were machines.  The rest of the team consisted of Slim, Mikka, Ivan, Epson, Perry, Umea, Utah, Sedona, Vail and Shiner.  They came in looking great.   They all have sore feet and we are unable to keep them healthy in this snow without bootying.   It was kind of funny at the finish because Frank announced that the next team would be Lina and then Sam and Kate.  So we were all watching and the guys with binoculars couldn’t make out the bib #.  The musher was crunched down or hanging over the handle bars.    Then everyone is guessing, “Oh, looks like Sam.  No, Sam would be pumping.”  All sorts of names were getting thrown out.  When they said the musher was hanging over the handlebars it struck me it might be Bruce and sure enough it was!  We all started laughing when we realized it was him.  He claims he wasn’t hanging over the handlebars, but crouching down….hmmmmm!!

The vets mentioned that there were many teams that had dogs that looked spent after today’s run so it will be interesting to see how things pan out tomorrow.  It’s been a tough three days.  We saw things shake up just a bit today and expect they’ll shake up a bit more in the next couple runs.  Buddy is building himself a very nice lead in first place, but 2nd -6th has less than 30 minutes seperation.  There were a couple teams that had good runs and mixed things up a bit.  In addition, during the driver’s meeting it was announced there would be a penalty/warning for one team that did not bag a dog, but had it riding on top of the sled bag.  This could change the standings if there is a time penalty issued.

Alpine is expected to be the same trail as last year.  There will be a base and we expect it to be a faster run.

Stage 3: Moderate Climbs Not to be Found

At the driver’s meeting the teams learned about the new trail we were to run in Pinedale.  It was to be flat for about 18 miles then some easy climbs with downhills the rest of the way.  Sections of rocks and dirt would be present and there would be a couple sharp downhill “S” turns.   We evaluated the dogs and we were in a toss up on a couple dogs based on the trail description.   However, when we got to the parking lot this morning, we talked to Barrie Raper who is from Pinedale and often runs the trail.  She informed us that in reality there were some pretty good up hill climbs on this trail and “moderate” was not the appropriate way to describe it.   Plus there was 3-4 inches of new snow so we stuck to plan A for the dogs.

Temps were in single digits this morning and the sun came out and brought us to high 20’s, but it felt warmer.  We went out with 10 dogs.   Cracker and Shiner led.  Mikka and Pepper ran point followed by Ivan & Anker, Perry & Epson, Umea and Bergen.  The trail was soft, but had a bottom and there were about 3 miles of really punchy trail on some downhills.  Bruce got to see almost all the teams today and see how they were moving.  Barrie was right; there were a couple major climbs.  Bruce said he ran about 10 hills and barfed on one!!  His flatlander lungs were coming out of his chest.  In the first 10 miles Bruce was averaging 16 mph and was passed by Joe Gann, running Gilbertson’s “A” team who had left 3 minutes behind Bruce.  WHOA!   Bruce spotted Jerry Bath right after 10 miles and he thought he might have gained a minute on him.  They managed to maintain this for the rest of the race and Bruce just couldn’t catch him.  He lost any opportunity there might have been when he had to change out leaders in the really punchy trail.   

The team ran great.  They were tired when they came in, but not whipped.  Everyone was healthy, but the snow is tearing up feet with abrasions.  Alot of teams are experiencing feet issues.  There’ve been a couple teams that have had to bag dogs in the past two runs.  I expect more on Big Piney.  Bruce’s assessment was that we still have some work to do on climbing.  The Gilbertson’s main team climbed really nice and had a great run, but it was not enough to beat the Streeper machine.  Nearly everyone went out with 10 dogs today with the exception of a few.  Dogs started/finished;  Buddy (10/10), Lina (10/10), Aaron (12/12), Joe (10/10), Bruce (10/10), Jerry (10/10), JR (9/9), Mike (10/9), Krista (9/9), Debbie (11/11), Sam (9/9), Stacey (10/10), John Stewart (10/10), Laboda (12/12), St. Onge (10/10), Barrie (10/9), Adkins (11/11).   

This is still a very close race and anything can happen.   Buddy has 11 minutes on Lina and 22 on Joe Gans.  There is 15 minutes seperating 3rd – 7th place and 12 minutes between 8-12th place.  We could see alot of shifts in the standings in the next couple days.  Doug Swingley rolled in today to take over handling for John Stewart and it will be fun to see if he can work his magic.  Many of those dogs are going to the Iditarod after this and I know they want to be sure they can hold them together, but it will be fun to see how far they can move that team up in the standings.   It is amazing to watch some of the small kennels competing at such a high level of competition.  Jerry Bath started with 17 dogs and came racing with 15 and is having a very impressive race thus far.  Sam has a small kennel of 37 dogs and is just blowing us away at how well he is managing his team.  We all fear if he shows up with 12 at any given stage.

Tomorrow is expected to be a tough run.  They are expecting -10 degrees and 20% chance of snow.  If the winds kick up, they expect low visibility.   The trail has only been groomed by a snowmobile from the race and it’s been run 2-3 times.  We are expecting no bottom, soft snow and the turn around is apparently waist deep.  This is always a tough trail.  We will be taking 12 dogs to hopefully power through.  They did take a big climb out of the trail and shortened it from 64 miles to 52.  We were not told the reason, but suspect it has to do with the conditions and how long it is going to take.  When this stage is long and grueling it is tough to make it to the Alpine banquet in a timely manner.