Episode 2 “Shoot the Vehicle and Put It Out of Our Misery”

Furred & Afraid, Stinky & Delayed

Episode 2 – Shoot the Vehicle and Put It Out of Our Misery

On day two of our trip, we got a slow start.  Slow as in 2 hours too slow.  This was thanks to a faulty motel room clock and our faulty brains that never bothered to verify it.

What’s a couple hours when you have a 1,950 mile trip ahead?

Then, of course, we awoke to at least 6 inches of fresh new snow.   Gee, we had gone all season with barely a flake of snow and the day we leave we get bombarded. 

No big deal!

We finished our morning watering and headed out on the highway.   After hitting cruising speed on the on ramp, we quickly came to a dead stop.  Highway traffic was at a standstill due to the road conditions.   It got moving though and we settled into a comfortable 30 mph for a couple hours.

No big deal; we have the patience of saints  

Our 3 day trip was starting to look like it might turn into 5.  Quality time with the seasonal family; perfect!  During day 2 quality time, we all learned to be Wazers.  Yep, you read it right.   Waze is an app that allows you to report road incidents, traffic situations and even report police presence.  The more you report, the more points you earn.  The further you drive, you get more points.   You can even chat with fellow Wazers on the road.  We were digging this. This was a great way to kill time, garner a few laughs and provide a service to society all at the same time.  Win, win, win!   We even got our own Waze names; High Points earner Al is now known as PakwaPeaceful and low points earner Monica is MoDoggy.  If you see either of us on the waze app traveling the highway, feel free to drop us a chat line! We can talk traffic and pass the time away.  We’d love all of us mushers to get on Waze for Stage Stop so we can keep an eye out for each other.  It will be wazingly fun; think about it!

After we became burnt out of Wazing we were left to our own creativity.  Thankfully, this seasonal family is full of innovative minds.  In the course of just a couple hours, we had a few brilliant ideas that were going to change the sport of mushing.  I’ll share them with all of you provided you pinky swear that you won’t steal our brilliance.  Deal?!?!? Gorilla2

Idea #1 — Have you ever seen the commercial for FarmersOnly.com    If you have, I apologize because now you can’t get that bleeping song out of your head, can you?   If you are not familiar, just give er a google and you will hate me forever!  FarmersOnly.com is a dating website for farmers where they can go and meet girls and guys that share the same lifestyle!   See, you already know where we are going with this?  We decided there was a need to develop a MushersOnly.com …. “You don’t have to be broke alone at MushersOnly.com!”   Seriously, who has a harder time finding someone to date, let alone stick around, then mushers!  Nothing more appealing to a potential significant other than 30+ dogs!!  The initial application will have pertinent questions that will allow us to match you up with your perfect musher.  This is important because it would be a disaster to hook the 2 dog, skijorer, with Pointers and a job, Dude up with the 50 dog, wanna camp in the snow with my Alaskans, living off the grid, gal.  So we’ll ask the important stuff:

  1. # of dogs (self-explanatory why this is a necessity —  2 or 50?)
  2. Breed of dogs (folks can be very sensitive about their breed – no hurt feelings on this website)
  3. Race or recreational (Can’t mix wanna have fun with win or die types; won’t work)
  4. Job or no Job (Need we say more)
  5. Location (The 2 dog cart gal in Florida won’t be a good fit for the 30 dog Alaskan dude)
  6. Type of sled you prefer (This is like dating someone with a piece of crap car)
  7. Races won (Appeals to the ego types)
  8. Brand of dog food (This would be like mixing religions)
  9. Type of harnesses (Half harness folks and X-back folks just don’t get along)
  10. Preferred # of dogs on a team (2 can’t keep up with 12)
  11. Night running or day running (Says a lot about how the dates will go)
  12. Camping or no camping (Same as above)
  13. Typical age, sex etc. questions

We are confident this will be the next great thing.   We’ll be hooking up mushers left and right and when they get divorced due to the dogs, they’ll have a place to go to start over.  Perfect!

Another innovation that came out of this quality time was by Dylan and only Dylan.   None of us can take any credit for this brilliance.  This guy is always thinking and analyzing.  His bobsledanalytical mind came up with an idea that tops even the sit down sled.  We are talking a lie down sled.  He is going to invent a bobsled type of dogsled where you can lay horizontal in it!  I guess he likes to sleep?!?!   There will be room for a dog or two, of course!  It will have brakes and a window; have to give the impression you’re driving this thing.   It will have built in GPS for those races that allow and all the comforts of home; built in headphones, cup holders and backrest.   The best part is if the trails are like last year’s Iditarod, it’s no big deal if you tip over because you are perfectly encapsulated; warm and protected like a bug in a cocoon.  When you stop, you just reach out the door and set your snow hook.  He was going to call it the Bob-Dog, but why give Bob all the credit?  I think he should make his name in the sport and call it the DylanSled.

I’m sure this high level of entertainment I’m describing is making all of you want to hitch a ride with us next year, but before you get hasty I must get to the not so fun part.  In the midst of our random stupidity we must stop to feed ourselves; which we did.  Lord help us if Monica has to skip a meal.  After the meal, we returned to the truck to discover that we had bent the rim on one of the brand new trailer tires and you could actually hear it hissing.  It was like it was hissing directly at us like an angry viper.  The seasonal family stood there processing as they did the night before.   When the heck did this happen?  Was it when we hit that huge bump, remember?  Was it from maneuvering in this parking lot when we ran over the curb?  More p-r-o-c-e-s-s-i-n-g.   The chick recorded the moment for prosperity and the dudes got to work changing the tire.   It was pretty quick as we are now approaching NASCAR pit quality tire changes.  The seasonal family then returned to the truck to continue out onto the highway, but this time there was concern in the air.   We had only gone 3 states and had already blown 3 tires.   As the family sat quietly in the car; they each pondered how many more states did we have to go and what did the highway ahead have in store for us.

Stay tuned for Episode 3 “Breaking the Law” of Furred & Afraid, Stinky & Delayed

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